I found out at 1:40AM. I haven't even spoken to her since high school but all I can think about now is just how to forget this semester or this year ever happened. The moment I was told about this, the first two words that came to my mind was 'not again'.
I'll come up with something more useful to say next time. I told myself this wasn't a place for this kind of stuff but I don't know where else to put this. Not Facebook although it seems to be convenient for everyone else. One of her friends, Johnny Lazzarini, wrote this on his Facebook:
and i sort of shut down. my bedroom sort of swirled around like somebody had just punched me in the face u know? i had dealt with death loooads of times in my life, pets, family members that kind of thing right. but everybody loses a grandparent at some point, everybody has to face the fact that their dog was hit by a car. we can get over that kind of thing, we eventually understand that thats just sort of how it goes. but when esther died, i realized that what had actually happened meant more then the fact that i couldn't share my life with her anymroe. when she went to college, none of us stayed in the greatest contact with her, and it wasn't just her either. when everybody moved away to start their new lives outside of hs, we really missed out on the part where your supposed to make new friends but keep the old ones you know? well when she died, everybody that knew her felt a nasty shock. how could we miss this? how could we let a change in location ruin all of the relationships we had built up over the years.
i feel like esther's death is sort of making us realize how important it is to cherish each other, and the time that we spend with one another. esther showed me how precious time really is. in an instant her life was claimed by a heart attack, nobody saw it coming. suddenly i wished i could have hung out with her for more then i had, all i would have wanted was a few minutes to tell her how i felt about her and everything she meant to me. a few days ago it was esther, but who knows what tomorrow could bring? could it be me? or you? it is SO important to never forget bonds that you've built. every day you miss talking to somebody who was close to you, you grow further apart. and one day, like i did last night when i recieved the news of esther's passing, you'll look back on how lost everybody is and remind yourself as to how easy it would have been to just make a phone call or send a message.
and, sometimes, ignorance is bliss. i'm not sure why she had a heart attack, i kinda dont want to know, feel me? then i'd just want somebody to blame for her death, whether it was esther or somebody else or god. really that's only going to make mourning her worse, and esther isn't the sort of person who would want us to feel bad about her leaving us. she would want us to keep living life to the fullest, just as she did, living every day like it could be our last so we have no regrets. esther was beautiful inside and out, and the fact that somebody so fantastic could be gone in an instant made me realize how important each and every one of you is to me in the same way. instead of being saddened by her death, let's all celebrate esther's life and remember all the good times we shared. and from now on, to show our respect, let's try our hardest to stay in good contact with each other.
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